The Truth

Some groomers say a lot of crap in their ads.  Here’s what they really mean:

  “No Tranquilizers”–No shit they don’t use tranquilizers!  Only vets can administer them.  By the way, my gardener doesn’t do open heart surgery, either.

 “Veterinarian Recommended”–This means they’re friends with some vets.  We are too. We’ve even invited ours over for some barbecues, but our customers recommend us, too.  By the way, I smoke some bad-ass ribs.

“Over 10 years experience”-Quality groomers do quality work that speaks for itself.  Could mean they’ve done a great job for 10 years, or could mean they’ve been hacks for a really long time.  The proof is in the puddin’! You can look at pictures of their work, too, but do you really think they’ll show you a picture of a dog they screwed up?  We wouldn’t.  We know what great work looks like.

“Certified This and That”-This could mean they’re world-class (like one highly respected friend of ours down the road in Newark–wink, wink) or that they’ve paid to take some classes.  Show us your work, not your Certificate of Participation.  Did I mention I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?

“All Breeds Welcome”-This is to reassure you that they’ll try to groom your dog.  If he’s a vicious freak they’ll still send you somewhere else or require sedation.  We will too.

“Hydro-Surge Bathing”-This is a pump system set up to recirculate the shampoo water.  Conserves water/shampoo and has great pressure for blasting out dirt.  IT ALSO RECIRCULATES THAT DIRT!  That’s just NASTY.  What if your dog rolled in poop?  We have a unique system that mixes the shampoo in a pressurized stream of FRESH water.  Smart people pee in the shower, not the bath.

“Gentle Touch/Loving Hands, etc.”-Everyone says that.  Thankfully, it’s usually true.  We’re dog lovers, too.  We have 6 dogs at home and have never needed to use duct tape on any of them (YET!).

 “Saturday Appointments Available”-Bankruptcy, anybody?  Of course we’re all open on the busiest day of the week.  We’re even open 7 days a week because that’s convenient for you!  Early, too, so you can drop off before work.

“Specialty Shampoos Available”-You mean there’s more than one? Well, we have a shampoo or conditioner for everything but ugliness and we know what works.  Just tell us what ails your dog.

So next time a groomer tries to educate you about something, tell them you’ve already heard it from Precious Paws.  Our barbecue-loving  Veterinarian recommends us because our Certified Groomers have many Years of Experience & don’t use Tranquilizers.  We’ll gladly use our Gentle, Loving Hands to apply any Specialty Shampoo you want to whatever Breed dog you have, even on a Saturday.  We just won’t use that nasty old Hydro-Surge!